Today's Joke: Best Out of Office Email Replies (auto-responders)

Today's Joke: Best Out of Office Email Replies (auto-responders)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~

1: I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position.

2: I’m not really out of the office. I’m just ignoring you.

3: You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in chances are you wouldn’t have received anything at all.

4: Sorry to have missed you but I am at the doctors having my brain removed so that I may be promoted to management.

5: Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 or the first ten words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message.

6: The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection and is unable to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and try sending again.’ (The beauty of this is that when you return, you can see how many individuals did this over and over).

7: Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system. You are currently in 452nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.

8: Hi,I’m thinking about what you’ve just sent me. Please wait by you PC for my response.

9: Hi! I’m busy negotiating the salary for my new job. Don’t bother to leave me any messages.

10: I’ve run away to join a different circus.

AND, FINALLY, THIS ONE TAKES THE CAKE:

I will be out of the office for the next 2 weeks for medical reasons. When I return, please refer to me as ‘Loretta’ instead of ‘Steve’

Today's Joke: The School Answering Machine

Today's Joke: The School Answering Machine
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This is an answering machine message for a school.

The outgoing message:

Hello! You have reached the automated answering service of your school. In order to assist you in connecting to the right staff member, please listen to all the options before making a selection:

To lie about why your child is absent – Press 1

To make excuses for why your child did not do his work – Press 2

To complain about what we do – Press 3

To swear at staff members – Press 4

To ask why you didn’t get information that was already enclosed in your newsletter and several flyers mailed to you – Press 5

If you want us to raise your child – Press 6

If you want to reach out and touch, slap or hit someone – Press 7

To request another teacher, for the third time this year – Press 8

To complain about bus transportation – Press 9

To complain about school lunches – Press 0

If you realize this is the real world and your child must be accountable and responsible for his/her own behaviour, class work, homework and that it’s not the teachers’ fault for your child’s lack of effort: Hang up and have a nice day!

If you want this in another language, move to a country that speaks it.

Indian Political parties and their symbols

Today's Joke: Indian Political parties and their symbols
~~~~~~~~~~~~

Q: Why is the Samajwadi Party's symbol 'Cycle'?
A: Because after a ban on English and use of computers, that's all we'll be able to afford.

Q: Why is the Congress party's symbol 'Hand'?
A: To remind Indians that our fate is forever in the hand of one family!

Q: Why is BJP Symbol 'Lotus'?
A: Lotus is the symbol of Sarawasti and learning. BJP will educate us through the wisdom of Varun Gandhi and Pravin Togadia.

Q: Why is Mayawati's symbol 'Elephant'?
A: It's a self portrait.

Q: Why is Jayalalitha's symbol 'Two leaves'?
A: Because that's what remained after Amma ate up all the fruit.

Q: Why is DMK's symbol 'Sun'?
A: So that Karunanidhi can justify wearing shades indoors.

Q: Why is Lalu's symbol 'Lantern'?
A: Because there's no electricity in Bihar.

Q: Why is CPM's symbol 'Hammer and Sickle'?
A: Because that's what you will be using if they come to power.

Q: Why is Sharad Pawar's symbol 'Clock'?
A: Because his time never seems to comes.

Q: Why is Shiv Sena's symbol 'Bow and Arrow'?
A: I can tell you, but then I'll have to shoot you!

Latest videos AUG 19

Latest videos AUG 19
----------------------

1. Knorr: Salty
URL: http://www.funnyplace.org/stream.php?id=12418

2. Bud Light: Sister
URL: http://www.funnyplace.org/stream.php?id=12417

3. Interflora: Careful
URL: http://www.funnyplace.org/stream.php?id=12416

4. Got Milk?: Opener
URL: http://www.funnyplace.org/stream.php?id=12415

5. Pro-Line: Mascot
URL: http://www.funnyplace.org/stream.php?id=12414

6. Heineken: Bottle
URL: http://www.funnyplace.org/stream.php?id=12413

7. Williams: Lions
URL: http://www.funnyplace.org/stream.php?id=12412

8. Stella Artois: Choir
URL: http://www.funnyplace.org/stream.php?id=12411

9. Apple Mac: PR
URL: http://www.funnyplace.org/stream.php?id=12410

10. InterSport: Weight
URL: http://www.funnyplace.org/stream.php?id=12409

11. AllState: Skating
URL: http://www.funnyplace.org/stream.php?id=12408

12. Science World: Kiss
URL: http://www.funnyplace.org/stream.php?id=12407

13. Reality TV: Real
URL: http://www.funnyplace.org/stream.php?id=12406

14. McCoy's Special: Laundry
URL: http://www.funnyplace.org/stream.php?id=12405

15. Minnesota Lottery: Bear
URL: http://www.funnyplace.org/stream.php?id=12404

16. Vivident: Postman
URL: http://www.funnyplace.org/stream.php?id=12403

17. Cincinnati Bell: Dial-Up Man
URL: http://www.funnyplace.org/stream.php?id=12402

18. BIC: Beard
URL: http://www.funnyplace.org/stream.php?id=12401

Madurai District News, Tamil Nadu : à ®®à ®¾à ®µà ®Ÿà ¯à ®Ÿ à ®šà ¯†à ®¯à ¯à ®¤à ®¿à ®•à ®³à ¯ : : à ®¤à ®¿à ®©à ®®à ®²à ®°à ¯

Madurai District News, Tamil Nadu : மாவட்ட செய்திகள் : : தினமலர்

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Latest videos aug.18

Latest videos aug.18
----------------------

1. Mercedes Benz: Eco
URL: http://www.funnyplace.org/stream.php?id=12400

2. Emerald Nuts: Guard
URL: http://www.funnyplace.org/stream.php?id=12399

3. Foster's: GPS Navigation
URL: http://www.funnyplace.org/stream.php?id=12398

4. YellowBook: New Job
URL: http://www.funnyplace.org/stream.php?id=12397

5. AirTran Airways : Meetings
URL: http://www.funnyplace.org/stream.php?id=12396

6. Charter Business: Unsocial
URL: http://www.funnyplace.org/stream.php?id=12395

7. Bud Light: Flamingos
URL: http://www.funnyplace.org/stream.php?id=12394

8. DirecTV: Coach
URL: http://www.funnyplace.org/stream.php?id=12393

9. Doritos: Kiss
URL: http://www.funnyplace.org/stream.php?id=12392

10. EA Sports: Training
URL: http://www.funnyplace.org/stream.php?id=12391

11. Natural Beer: Marking Territory
URL: http://www.funnyplace.org/stream.php?id=12390

12. NetCom: Dog
URL: http://www.funnyplace.org/stream.php?id=12389

13. Silversands: Bluff
URL: http://www.funnyplace.org/stream.php?id=12388

14. Dodge Durango: Big
URL: http://www.funnyplace.org/stream.php?id=12387

15. Renault Symbol: Man
URL: http://www.funnyplace.org/stream.php?id=12386

16. Fiat: Own Car
URL: http://www.funnyplace.org/stream.php?id=12385

17. Clearasil: Confidence
URL: http://www.funnyplace.org/stream.php?id=12384

18. Miller Lite: European Friend
URL: http://www.funnyplace.org/stream.php?id=12383

19. Sprite: Fashion Show
URL: http://www.funnyplace.org/stream.php?id=12382

Why did Pappu fail?

Latest videos:Aug 18

Latest videos:Aug 18
-------------

1. Bonds: Shapes
URL: http://www.funnyplace.org/stream.php?id=12319

2. Downy: Laundry
URL: http://www.funnyplace.org/stream.php?id=12318

3. Yellowbook: Name
URL: http://www.funnyplace.org/stream.php?id=12317

4. Sure: Rodeo
URL: http://www.funnyplace.org/stream.php?id=12316

5. Dial Direct: Drama
URL: http://www.funnyplace.org/stream.php?id=12315

6. Fox Sport: Leaf Blower
URL: http://www.funnyplace.org/stream.php?id=12314

7. AllState: Borrowed Car
URL: http://www.funnyplace.org/stream.php?id=12313

8. DStv: Construction Worker
URL: http://www.funnyplace.org/stream.php?id=12312

9. Anadin: Bear
URL: http://www.funnyplace.org/stream.php?id=12311

10. Keystone Light: Grandpa
URL: http://www.funnyplace.org/stream.php?id=12310

11. Wimpy: Sunglasses
URL: http://www.funnyplace.org/stream.php?id=12309

12. Nando's: Photograph
URL: http://www.funnyplace.org/stream.php?id=12308

13. Outsurance: Perfect Investment.
URL: http://www.funnyplace.org/stream.php?id=12307

14. Movistar: Spider
URL: http://www.funnyplace.org/stream.php?id=12306

15. Cup-a-Soup: King Of Cliche
URL: http://www.funnyplace.org/stream.php?id=12305

16. Jeep Patriot: Adventure
URL: http://www.funnyplace.org/stream.php?id=12304

17. Isenbeck: Ballet
URL: http://www.funnyplace.org/stream.php?id=12303

18. Toyota Tacoma: Message
URL: http://www.funnyplace.org/stream.php?id=12302

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Reduce your weight in photos and look slim and beauty.
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My pages

View my other pages
http://svmanivannan.co.cc
http://svmanivannan.blogspot.com/
http://manivannan-jokes.blogspot.com/
http://manivannan.mofuse.mobi/
http://tagtag.com/svmanivannan

American Life

Today's Joke: American Life

~~~~~~~~~~~~~


This American guy started the day early having set his alarm clock
(MADE IN JAPAN) for 6am.


While his coffeepot
(MADE IN CHINA)



Was shaving with his electric razor
(MADE IN HONG KONG)



He put on a dress shirt
(MADE IN SRI LANKA),



designer jeans
(MADE IN SINGAPORE)



and tennis shoes
(MADE IN KOREA)



After cooking his breakfast in his new electric skillet
(MADE IN INDIA)



he sat down with his calculator
(MADE IN MEXICO)



to see how much he could spend today. After setting his watch
(MADE IN TAIWAN)



to the radio
(MADE IN INDIA)



he got in his car
(MADE IN GERMANY)



filled it with GAS
(from Saudi Arabia)



and continued his search
for a good paying AMERICAN JOB.
At the end of yet another discouraging

and fruitless day checking his Computer
(Made In Malaysia),



John decided to relax for a while.
He put on his sandals
(MADE IN BRAZIL)



poured himself a glass of wine
(MADE IN FRANCE)



and turned on his TV
(MADE IN INDONESIA),



and then wondered why he can't find
a good paying job in AMERICA
AND NOW HE'S HOPING HE CAN GET HELP
FROM A PRESIDENT MADE IN KENYA!

How New Year Resolutions move

Today's Joke: How New Year Resolutions move
~~~~~~~~~~~~~

2005: I will get my weight down below 75.
2006: I will watch my calories until my weight is below 80.
2007: I will follow my new diet until I get below 85.
2008: I will work out once a week.
20089 I will drive past a gym at least once a week.

2005: I will read at least 20 good books a year.
2006: I will read at least 10 books a year.
2007: I will read 5 books a year.
2008: I will read some articles in the newspaper this year.
2009: I will subscribe to a good humor e-mail list this year.

2005: I will pay off my bank loan promptly.
2006: I will pay off my bank loans promptly.
2007: I will be totally out of debt by next year.
2008: I will try to pay off the debt interest by next year.
2009: I will try to be out of the country by next year.

2005: I will sponsor a disadvantaged foreign child this year.
2006: I will sponsor a disadvantaged domestic child this year.
2007: I will sponsor one kid for lunch at McDonald's this year.
2008: I will sponsor one of my kids for lunch at McDonald's this year.
2009: I will endeavor to remember my sisters children's names this year.

Dinamalar Now on mobiles

this is second post about dinamalar:

Dinamalar Now on mobiles

NewsHunt is a unique mobile application designed to enable viewing and reading newspapers in the regional languages on the go.

1. To get this application Type "Dinamalar" and SMS to 57333. or

2. visit http://dinamalar.newshunt.com and download from the site  or

3. Visit http://hunt.newshunt.com/ from your mobile

NewsHunt is now available for 14 Newspapers in 8 different languages!

Dainik Jagran Dainik Bhaskar Eenadu Prajavani Deccan Herald Dainik NavaJyoti Dinamalar The New Indian Express Andhara Prabha Indian Express Lok Satta Kannada Prabha Divya Bhaskar Mathrubhoomi Malayala Manorama

Tamil, Hindi, Bengali, Punjabi, Gujarati, Marathi, Kannada, Malayalam, Telugu and English.

Latest videos on Funnyplace.org:4

Latest videos on Funnyplace.org:

----------------------



1. Cadbury: Cool Flat

URL: http://www.funnyplace.org/stream.php?id=12182



2. Alfa Insurance: Plane

URL: http://www.funnyplace.org/stream.php?id=12181



3. Pepsi: Bikers

URL: http://www.funnyplace.org/stream.php?id=12180



4. Windhoek Lager: Bar

URL: http://www.funnyplace.org/stream.php?id=12179



5. Double A Paper: Stress

URL: http://www.funnyplace.org/stream.php?id=12178



6. Dacia: New Car

URL: http://www.funnyplace.org/stream.php?id=12177



7. truTV: Live Action

URL: http://www.funnyplace.org/stream.php?id=12176



8. BMW Mini Turbo: Speechless

URL: http://www.funnyplace.org/stream.php?id=12175



9. Farmer Brown: Dedicated

URL: http://www.funnyplace.org/stream.php?id=12174



10. Maruti Suzuki: Baby

URL: http://www.funnyplace.org/stream.php?id=12173



11. Gatorade Tiger: Moon

URL: http://www.funnyplace.org/stream.php?id=12172



12. Charal: Transformers

URL: http://www.funnyplace.org/stream.php?id=12171



13. Peugeot: Wanted

URL: http://www.funnyplace.org/stream.php?id=12170



14. Ford Ranger: Shepherd Dog

URL: http://www.funnyplace.org/stream.php?id=12169



15. Bell's: Finesz Art

URL: http://www.funnyplace.org/stream.php?id=12168



16. Toyota Hikux: Coconut

URL: http://www.funnyplace.org/stream.php?id=12167



17. Miller Lite: Robot

URL: http://www.funnyplace.org/stream.php?id=12166



18. Hahn: Pool

URL: http://www.funnyplace.org/stream.php?id=12165

Latest videos on Funnyplace.org:3

Latest videos on Funnyplace.org:
----------------------

1. FedEx Cup: Competition
URL: http://www.funnyplace.org/stream.php?id=12164

2. Qwest Internet: Birth
URL: http://www.funnyplace.org/stream.php?id=12163

3. Nescafe Gold: Special Moment
URL: http://www.funnyplace.org/stream.php?id=12162

4. Toshiba: No Matter
URL: http://www.funnyplace.org/stream.php?id=12161

5. Cipla: The Cost
URL: http://www.funnyplace.org/stream.php?id=12160

6. truTV: Effect
URL: http://www.funnyplace.org/stream.php?id=12159

7. Charter Business: Boss
URL: http://www.funnyplace.org/stream.php?id=12158

8. Virgin Money: Wedding
URL: http://www.funnyplace.org/stream.php?id=12157

9. Rexona: Blind
URL: http://www.funnyplace.org/stream.php?id=12156

10. Purity Organic : Pure
URL: http://www.funnyplace.org/stream.php?id=12155

11. n/a: Watt Count
URL: http://www.funnyplace.org/stream.php?id=12154

12. Liqui Fruit: Juice
URL: http://www.funnyplace.org/stream.php?id=12153

13. Hyundai Tucson: Scorpion
URL: http://www.funnyplace.org/stream.php?id=12152

14. Stocker Jeans: Prison
URL: http://www.funnyplace.org/stream.php?id=12151

15. Cell C: Warranty
URL: http://www.funnyplace.org/stream.php?id=12150

16. Wonderbra: Investigation
URL: http://www.funnyplace.org/stream.php?id=12149

17. Dodge Nitro: The Journey
URL: http://www.funnyplace.org/stream.php?id=12148

18. Hahn SuperDry: Spa Bath
URL: http://www.funnyplace.org/stream.php?id=12147

Funny Short Forms of IT Companies

Today's Joke: Funny Short Forms of IT Companies

~~~~~~~~~~~~~



1. NIIT: Not Interested in IT



2. WIPRO: Weak Input, Poor & Rubbish Output



3. HCL: Hidden Costs & Losses



4. TCS: Totally Confusing Solutions



5. INFOSYS: Inferior Offline Systems



6. HUGHES: Highly Useless Graduates Hired for Eating and Sleeping



7. BAAN: Beggars Association And Nerds



8. IBM: Implicitly Boring Machines



9. SATYAM: Sad And Tired Yelling Away Madly



10. PARAM: Puzzled And Ridiculous Array of Microprocessors



11. C-DOT: Coffee During Office Timings



12. CMC: Coffee, Meals and Comfort



13. DELL: Deplorable Equipment & lacklusters



14. PSI: Peculiar Symptoms of India.



15. ORACLE: On-line Romance And Chatting with Lady Employees.